He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize