I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
