my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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