Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
