I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
