arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
