No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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