It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
