Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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