Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
