It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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