I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
