hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
