There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
