I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
