We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
