My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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