***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
