I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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