Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
