so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
