On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You ate ashes out of my bong
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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