If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
