I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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