I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
