Plan B is the new Plan A
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
