I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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