I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
