Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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