White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize