oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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