is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
