Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
