Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
