Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
