so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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