Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I stole a fireplace last night.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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