Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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