the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
