I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
