dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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