my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
