Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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