we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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