another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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