You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
