I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize