im holly from the hills drunk
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
