2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
