You really coming over, don't trick.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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