I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
A bitchslap is in order.
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