You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Naked Twister starts at high noon
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
