absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
