He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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