guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
