Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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