i think my mom watched the whole time
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
