So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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