There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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