when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
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