you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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