Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize