Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
What did we do last night that was yellow?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
