This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
