i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
