i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
