i need an iv and a liver transplant
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
