Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize