i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
