Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The uberlube is also flammable
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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