The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
