He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Text me some of your sweat
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
