On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
