I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
just tell him i said nine months
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
